Day 0: C was born at 5:20am!  He nursed right away and did great latching all day.  Ate about every 3 hours, napped the rest of the time.

Night 0: Was up every 30 minutes…he would lick around my boobs but wouldn’t really suck…apparently this is normal behavior, he is trying to stimulate my milk to come in. I had no idea, so I was calling the nurse like what is going on here!!

Day 1: C was so sleepy all day and wouldn’t really nurse…we got to go home at about 1pm 🙂  A came home in the afternoon and gave me the biggest hug, so I immediately cried.  I missed him so much and felt very emotional.  I could tell he wasn’t super stoked about C yet.

Night 1: Same as Night 0.  No sleep.

Day 2: C’s day was pretty straightforward….nursed every 3 hours, slept the rest of the time.  Slept in the swing which we have set up in the living room.

Night 2: Was up every 2 hours but nursed successfully and fell asleep easily after feedings.

Day 3: Same straightforward day…nursed every 3 hours, slept the rest of the time in swing.  Took C to his first check-up.  The nurse said we have a sweet, healthy, perfect little boy.  J’s parents watched A for the check-up.  That night, our little family of 4 went to Island’s and it was awesome.

Night 3: C was up every 2 hours; didn’t want to nurse half the time and would scream at my boob. I didn’t know what to do 😦  He also didn’t want to go to sleep after he did nurse.  Ended up cuddling him in bed close to me from 5am to 7am and he slept peacefully.  Tried the bassinet and rock n play, he didn’t seem to have a preference but also didn’t seem to particularly like either one.

Day 4: Trying to feed C closer to every 2 hours instead of 3 which means waking him up sooner from his naps.  I don’t know if this will help, but trying to help him get more feedings in during the day so that night time isn’t quite so crazy. However, this is normal newborn behavior and I need to go with the flow and ride it out really. Baby blues hit today – am concerned because I was hoping the placenta pills would work.  They are supposed to hit Day 4 to 5 postpartum and last 2 weeks….my hope is that they will subside within 2 weeks, unlike last time.  Was mean to J, couldn’t stop crying, thoughts like I miss my old life, what did I do, I feel hopeless, I can’t do this, etc.

Night 4: C did not sleep well again.  Ate at 9:30, was restless, ate at like 11, 1, and 3….mostly breastmilk, one bottle of formula…I was still crying.  At 3:30 I let him snuggle up next to me again, which I really don’t like because I feel like it isn’t safe and because I don’t sleep well, but I was desperate and he slept peacefully from 3:30 to 7 (3.5 hours, his longest stretch so far)

Day 5: I was snappy this morning, but not crying and didn’t feel hopeless.  I apologized to J because he doesn’t deserve mistreatment, hormones or not, and because I don’t know what I would do without him.  He is everything to me, above the kids, and he is doing everything he can to help me and has limits too.  I pumped 2 ounces total this morning which seems like a good sign in terms of supply? C hasn’t napped well today, and has been awake much more than the other days.  I didn’t cry all day though and felt much better!!!

Night 5: Same as last night…napped from 7pm to 8:45pm, then I fed him, then he was pissed.  Cried from 9 to 11pm, wasn’t hungry though because we tried giving him formula after I nursed him and he spit it all up.  Nothing seemed to calm him 😦 Ended up sleeping in 2 to 2.5 hour chunks after that, and then I woke him up at 7:30am for the day.  So he woke up a total of 4 times between 11pm and 7:30am.

Day 6: C has been more alert today.  Tried tummy time, he was not a fan.  Has been eating a lot today.  Nursing, pumped breast milk, formula etc.  To exclusively breastfeed, I’m really supposed to nurse on demand, whenever he wants, but I don’t want to and I don’t want to exclusively breastfeed this time. I can’t handle the pressure, and trying to juggle 30 minute nursing sessions on demand and A is too much for me.  I hope I become close with C soon 😦  I am so obsessed with A lately, and he has been soooo sweet and fun and I know him so I keep wanting to hang out with him.  J has had to help with C a lot. A couple times today C didn’t want to nurse, he screamed at my boob again and it makes me feel awful.  Been reading about what it was like after A was born – it seems like it was a challenging first month and then got better…But I wrote stuff like, at date night and miss A soooo much…when will I feel like that? What is wrong with me 😦 😦  Obvi I cried.

Night 6: C was up every 1 to 2 hours.  I just need to accept that until he figures out night and day, this is how it is.  It will get easier, I know this, and he is just a new baby trying to figure things out and needs love and support.  Screamed at my boob a few times, but then when we offered a bottle after he eventually nursed he threw up – overfeeding him.

Day 7: One week old today!!! We had a lactation appt, J came with me because he is an angel.  It went well…my goal was to find a plan that allows me to give C both breastmilk and formula for 6 months, then switch to formula exclusively like with A.  They did a weighed feeding, he gained almost all his birth weight back which is a great sign.  In about 15 minutes  he drank 2 ounces, which means he is a really efficient nurser, another great sign (used to take me 45 minutes to feed A and he still needed a bottle after that).  She thinks he screams at my boob because I am too full and need to express a bit of milk first, or because he is getting too used to all the bottles we have been giving him since he can get milk so much faster that way.  She said if I can try to breastfeed as much as possible to get through his 3 week growth spurt that it would be great for my supply.  After that, I can choose which feedings I want to be formula, and which I want to breastfeed. I can keep my supply up by pumping when I give a formula feeding, or I can lose some supply by skipping that, whatever I choose. She was very supportive and acknowledged that with your second and a toddler to care for as well, you simply cannot go to the same lengths you did for your first, at least not as easily.  I feel comforted that he is getting enough milk just from me right now, that I can make a plan to combo feed, and I think I can get through 3 weeks…A is at daycare today so I have tons of time to focus on C and am letting him nurse whenever he wants.  No sadness today.

Night 7: C nursed great the whole night.  Was fussy from 9 to 9:45, then fell asleep after nursing and giving 1 ounce of pumped breastmilk.  Slept 45 minutes, then up again to nurse.  Then slept 2.5 hours, 1.5 hours, 2.5 hours so we were up 3 times which is better than 4?  9pm does not seem like his favorite time…I wonder if he might enjoy a nice little bedtime routine at around 7:30?  Maybe a quick warm bath, swaddle, nurse, bed?

We survived Week 1!!!!

Day 8: Good day.  We all dropped A off at daycare, then went to get bagels.  Stayed at home the rest of the day nursing and doing chores.  Then we all picked A up and went to get a snack at a mexican restaurant.  Played at home the rest of the night, and I put A to bed for the night 🙂  C was more alert and we did tummy time!  It has been so nice having J home.

Night 8:  C was up every 1 to 2 hours 😦  I don’t know if he is hungry every time, or just needs re-settling?  But I nursed him each time because I wasn’t sure what else to do.  Took longer to settle him after a feed too. I need to change his diaper more in the middle of the night, I’ve been lazy and I think his diaper is getting too full 😦 NEED to try a routine, something to start signaling that it is nighttime!  No more baby blues still though so that is awesome!!!

Day 9: Re-reading Babywise.  I need some sort of routine, and so does baby C.  I don’t want to force anything, but A did so well when he got used to eating and napping at certain times so I gently want to introduce the idea.

Night 9: At 6:30pm I tried giving C a bath and then nursing him and then putting him down upstairs.  But it was 7pm and I was kind of bored and J was like, just bring him downstairs.  So I did and we watched TV…he woke up and J thought he was hungry, but I was confused since I had just nursed him for half an hour.  But I said okay, give him a bottle if you think….then he drank 2 ounces of breast milk and threw up everywhere 😦  I was so upset and I KNEW he wasn’t hungry but started doubting myself.  J felt bad.  I bathed him again, then nursed him at 9:30pm.  He woke up an hour later, fed him.  Woke up an hour later, fed him.  Then he slept 3 hours, fed him, then another 2 so that was good. I told J that until I hear that I’m not making enough milk, we should only give him a bottle INSTEAD of me nursing him, not in addition too because he keeps puking and it is our fault since we overfeeding him 😦  No sadness though!

Day 10: We have magically been on a 3 hour schedule today, and I think yesterday was likely a growth spurt.  We woke up at 6:30am, I fed him, he napped.  Fed him at 10am, napped. 1pm. Then he cluster fed more towards the evenings.

Night 10: screamed from 8 to 10pm. Woke up every 2 hours after that but was easy to fall back asleep.

Day 11: fed 7, 10, 1….then 3, 5, 730. Pretty nice day, took great naps too.  We went to a 1st birthday party and it was fun.  J played with A most of the time and I held C in my Solly Baby Wrap, which I thought I would love but I am such a bad baby-wearer, I don’t really like it that much.

Night 11: At around 715 I have him a quick bath, a swaddle, then fed him 2 ounces of pumped milk. He slept 3 hours after that for the first stretch! But then was up every 1.5 hours after that. Fed him, except at 430…instead I just brought him into bed and kept giving him pacifier until 530.

Day 12: Challenging morning…J left house before I brushed my teeth or anything like that….C didn’t want to be in his swing and wanted to be held, A wanted attention too and kept standing on the chair…I felt awful, because I couldn’t give both of them the attention they needed at the same time.  I need to get up before everyone so that I can have time to shower and eat breakfast…I would rather be tired than not have a minute to myself because it sets the tone for the day so going to try that tomorrow.  Also, being stuck at home sucks…tomorrow, I am going to feed C and A then put them in the stroller and walk around the neighborhood so that we can all get fresh air.  Then we can come hang at home and if we are up for an outing, we can do that in the afternoon.  Rest of the day went great though – C followed roughly a 3 hour schedule the rest of the day.

Night 12: Gave C a quick bath, tried to give him a bottle but he had nursed only an hour earlier and didn’t want it.  Would be better to give him a quick bath BEFORE his last nursing session, whether that is at 6pm or 7pm or whatever.  He didn’t want to go to sleep…slept for 2.5 hours, then 1 hour, then 2 hours, then 1 hour or something like that.  Tried his bassinet, he just rolls and gets frustrated so back in the rock and play he went.  Let him sleep next to me for 2 hours as well. I ordered a DockaTot thing that arrives on Thursday…I wonder if he will like sleeping in that?  He is not even 2 weeks old though, so I know those 3 hour and eventually 4 and 5 hour stretches are around the corner.  Also, reminding myself that we are healthy, that’s all that matters, literally.

Day 13: J went back to work today 😦 Set my alarm for 6, showered, got dressed, did my makeup, got A up, gave him breakfast, and made myself breakfast.  It was awesome.   J brought C down at 7 and I nursed him until 7:30.  Spent the next hour playing with him and A.  We went for a 30 minute walk around the block, it was nice to get exercise.  9:30 to 11 was challenging – C wanted to be held or fed most of the time, A wanted to play with me, A needed lunch, etc.  But we made it work and I did the best I could to give both attention.  A napped from 11 to 1:30 – during that time I cooked and cleaned a bit, fed and held C, etc.  A woke up and got a snack, then we all went to Target and it went well.  We got home at around 3:30 – this is always a weird time of day, C wanted to be held, but A played really nicely with his toys and J came home shortly after.  My first day alone with them was pretty crazy but everyone was healthy and loved so grateful for that.  C ate a ton in the afternoon, like every 1.5 hours.  Need to ask doc about this!

Night 13: Went to bed at 9pm and C slept 3.5 hours!!!!  I gave him a pacifier if he stirred first, then if that didn’t settle him I fed him.  After that he slept 2.5 hours, then 1.5 hours.  I was happy for that 3.5 hour stretch!  In the middle of the night I found out a former student of mine’s mom died  – it is so sad and reminded me how lucky I am.

2 weeks old!!!!

Day 14: Standard day – was in a good mood, we got lots of snuggles in.  Ate about every 2.5 to 3 hours.  We dropped A off at daycare and then went on a walk at the lake.  Spent the rest of the day just hanging out on the couch at home.

Night 14: nursed at 6,bottle at 9, slept 3.75 hours!! then 3 hours, then 1.75 hours 🙂

Day 15: C gained a pound in the last week! Woohoo.  That means he must be getting lots of milk from me!!!  Ate and slept well today…

Night 15: He seems to take a nap around 5 or 6pm for like 2 hours…I wonder if right after that last nap I should give him a bath and bottle?  And then eventually that 5 or 6pm nap will be bedtime instead (or later)?  Anyway, he slept 2.5 hours, 2.5 hours, then 1.5 hours. He didn’t go to bed until 10pm, which is too late I think.  Easy to settle.

Day 16:  Good day – good feedings and good naps.

Night 16:  So confused…nursed at 6pm after a bath, then he napped until 8:30…so we went upstairs for the night…got a bottle at 9, didn’t really fall asleep until 11, then was up at 1am and up every 2 hours after that.

Day 17: C has been hungry and sleep today 🙂  Took both him and A to the doctor by myself, because C had junk in his eye. Turns out it was just a clogged tear duct and no big deal, I massaged it with some breastmilk per doctor’s instructions and it went away.  And hey I survived taking both to the doctor! A was an angel, and I don’t know what I would do without my double stroller!  C started cluster feeding around 5pm…

Night 17: And ate every hour until midnight. It was crazy – I cried from exhaustion!  But then read a story about how a 7 week old baby died suddenly and reminded myself that I have a healthy baby who is going through a growth spurt and to count my blessings.  We didn’t sleep much, and C ate a ton so hopefully this is a spurt and my milk goes up?

Day 18: We took family pictures today!  A thought it was his special photo shoot and kept posing, and C slept the whole time 🙂 It was fun.  C continued to eat closer to every 2 hours instead of 3 – took great naps and was easy to settle.  We went on date night for the first time since he was born and he had a bottle of pumped milk while I was gone and slept the rest of the time.  Date night was awesome even though we could barely keep our eyes open – I am so glad we make getting out just the 2 of us a priority.  I love our marriage so much 🙂

Night 18: Slept from 6-7:30, had a bottle, slept 8 to 10pm, nursed, then 2.5 hour stretch, 2 hour stretch, then slept from 6 to 7 and we started the day.  Was fairly easy to put back to sleep, and J and I took turns sleeping on the couch.

Day 19: C didn’t nap great today and ate a lot – growth spurt still?  I gave him a bottle of pumped milk at one point, but then he was trying to get on my boob after so I let him  nurse and he threw up 😦  I went out and got my nails done though that was fun!

Night 19: Was up every 1 to 2 hours….ate at 9 I think, then slept from like 10 to 11 or 12? I don’t remember lol.

Day 20: J was home today since it was a holiday, but he had to work a bit so I took the kids to to the mall and the train lady watched C 🙂 Up at 6:30 and ate , took a great morning nap – he seems to like this nap the most.  Really need to do more tummy time, I keep forgetting 😦 He is not awake much…eats, gets a diaper change, back to sleep…I imagine this will change after a month?  This evening…I should try to let him eat more in the afternoon, then give him a bath, swaddle, and BOTTLE

Night 20: At around 630 gave C a bath and swaddled him, then he had a bottle of pumped milk.  He fell right asleep upstairs in the bassinet for 2.5 hours while J and I hung out downstairs.  He was up every 2 hours after that, relatively easy to settle. He is super sweet and doesn’t really cry, but is just kind of awake and stirring in the middle of the night?  I get confused about if I am supposed to feed him super often in middle of night, or try to settle him with pacifier?

We survived 3 weeks!!!!

Day 21: 3 weeks old today 🙂 Up at 6:30/7, nursed…slept while we dropped A off.  Woke up around 9:30 and did some tummy time before feeding.  So my goal was to breastfeed through this 3 week growth spurt which I did, and now it is time to introduce one bottle of formula a day. Trying to figure out which feeding to do that for?  Was awake from 6 to 11pm, it was crazy!

Night 21: C was awake for so many hours,  seemed way overtired, couldn’t fall asleep. He ended up sleeping 3.5 hours snuggled next to me.

Day 22: seemed like growth spurt was over…took great naps, stretched out some feedings a bit. Went to breastfeeding class and he is over 9 pounds now and drank 3.3 ounces in 15 minutes I couldn’t believe it! He was more alert today and looking around.

Night 22: Nursed around 645, then gave him a bath and swaddle, nursed again and put in bassinet. He slept for 2.5 hours, gave him 1.5 Oz formula, slept 3.5 hours then 2 hours. It was a good night.

Day 23: C has had a great day so far – long naps, good feedings – he drank 3.5 ounces while I was out getting a facial, and the doula watched him for the first time 🙂 She cuddled him a lot, it was sweet. Ate 7am, 9:45am, 12:30pm, 3…then cluster fed in afternoon/evening.  When the doula was over, I went out to get a facial and my eyebrows done and it was heavenly.  Taking some time for myself makes me a way better mom, and wife!

Night 23: Also didn’t get a good nap before bedtime in…was up for like 2.5 hours, then slept for 45 minutes at 8, then was up for 2 hours wide awake….we slept 2 3 hour stretches, but the wide awake in the middle of the night part was exhausting.  Seemed fussier.

Day 24: Standard day…ate well, slept well.  Trying to work on a balance of taking care of myself, spending time with A, caring for C, spending time with J, and taking care of the household.  There aren’t enough hours in the day lol.  However, I know once we are sleeping better it won’t feel that way.

Night 24: I slept in C’s room with him – felt like maybe we needed a change of scenery?  He ate around 9, 12, 3, and 6 so every 3 hours, but took a while to help him fall back asleep so he slept closer to 2.5 hour chunks…

Day 25: The day was okay but I was so tired at around 630pm I fell asleep on the couch.  So J put A to bed, then tried to put C to bed, and C wouldn’t go to sleep.  I woke up at like 8:30 in a panic, the house was a disaster and I freaked out.  I don’t know why I can’t handle stuff like that, but I just have a hard time if I don’t start off the day and end the day with like a second to myself to get organized.

Night 25:  Slept in C’s room again…he was up every 2 hours, then every 1.5 hours…it did not go well so we are moving back to our bedroom!  He just isn’t ready to sleep in the crib.

Day 26:  Took great naps and ate closer to 2/2.5 hours during the day.  This seemed to help with nighttime?  We all went on a walk at the bay in the morning, then J and A ran errands and C and I went home so I could feed him.

Night 26: nursed at 7:50, bath, got a bottle of formula at 8:40pm, slept 3.5 hours from 9-12:30pm, ate, slept from 1:30 to 4 (2.5 hours) , hard to fall asleep after that but he did at 5:30 until 7.  It was a much better night!!! Used A’s old swaddle and put him in the Rock and Play, even though I really wanted to avoid using it. But A slept well so trying to just do the same thing we did with him now.  Wish I had written everything down from back then haha.

Day 27: Ate about every 2/2.5 hours.  We went on a walk in the morning with A at the Lake, then went to the Zoo in the afternoon.  C wanted to be held a lot more….after an hour of feeding/holding I needed to play with A and get him lunch, but C woke up every 5 minutes crying so I was kind of running back and forth between both of them.  Tried the baby bjorn, he was not having it.  I however didn’t feel overwhelmed this time and am getting used to our new normal.

Night 27: Oh wow.  I thought that we could get a repeat of that glorious 3.5 hour stretch of sleep from last night if I did everything the same…bath, same swaddle, same amount in the bottle, same bedtime.  Nope – C was up every 1.5 to 2 hours the whole night.  At one point I looked down and he was back in his Rock and Play – I don’t even remember how he got there I am so tired.  Been listening to the Baby Whisperer on Audible though and she talks about using nice voices and being respectful to the baby, and I feel bad because I haven’t interacted with C a lot I feel. I love him, and snuggle him, and feed him, and change him, and keep him alive, but I certainly could be more loving and engaging, like how I am to A.  Who by the way is in love with the baby now, and asks to see the baby right when he wakes up and touches C with one finger and then looks at me and smiles.

We survived 4 weeks!!!!